On closing to queries

I closed my inbox to queries today right before turning off my out of office message. So I am starting 2022 by giving myself a gift, one I haven’t given myself for over ten years, and one that I think everyone deserves- a break.

I’ve been reading what other people have asked me to read since I started working in publishing. And for a long time now, since before I launched Triangle House Literary, something has been missing. I’ve had this feeling of always catching up, never feeling settled, alongside a sense of obligation that I could never define. I recently realized that this was because I no longer had time to do the part of my job I loved the most- follow my instincts and explore. I want to read what I want to read.

I take the obligation of reading new work seriously, and have always treated my queries with intention and excitement. I’m relentlessly optimistic about them, and have often told people it feels like I have the best queries in town. But, the responsibility that comes along with that is great, and I’ve often failed these writers, letting them down by taking too long, or not giving their work the attention it deserved. At the same time, I’ve failed myself. The endless catching up that comes along with the always-open-query-inbox is taxing, and it has sapped my energy.

Prioritizing your clients over queries is an easy decision to make. But prioritizing yourself? Not so easy. As an agent, my job is to support writers, to be a trusted partner in the publishing industry. And so in December, I decided that I would begin 2022 closed to queries. But simply closing to queries doesn’t feel like enough, and I wanted to explain why I think it’s an important thing to do.

First off, I have many wonderful books by wonderful clients coming out this year, and I need to focus on them. When I think about what I want to be doing with my evenings this year, going to a virtual book launch wins over reading queries. Secondly, I’ve been building work with my clients for years, and when I think about what I want to be doing with my days, editing a proposal for the fourth time wins over reading queries. Thirdly, I want to build up Triangle House- the magazine and the agency, and I need to give these projects more time and intention than I have been. In this equation, there is only variable that feels changeable.

I don’t talk much, or tweet that much, about “being an agent.” There are a lot of reasons for that, but part of it is that I am the type of person who needs to compartmentalize. I need my boundaries. (If not just to protect myself from the writers who overreach, like the guy who found my personal email and phone number.)

I have a lot of thoughts about the work that I do, of course, but I don’t always feel confident sharing them. But I do now, because I need the space to feel my way toward newness, strength, and sharpened instinct. I owe that to my current clients, my future clients, and I owe it to myself! And I especially owe it to myself right now. I wouldn’t be able to do my job without those things, but I also wouldn’t be myself anymore, either. Which, I realized, I haven’t been. But who has?!

I think people forget that working in publishing is work, it’s a job. Because it’s intertwined with art, it can feel like more than a job, a calling, a destiny, but it’s not, not at its core. The job is relentless in many ways, but one thing I’ve known, since the very beginning of my journey, is that I need to be patient. This work does not happen overnight; by its very nature it is slow. Lately, I’ve been thinking of patience more as endurance. And for a body and a brain to have endurance, we need to take care of ourselves.

My son went back to school in September, after over a year of being home every day. About a month later, a cloud lifted. I felt creative, I felt curious. I was excited. It turns out I needed many consecutive days of peace, a month’s worth, to want to do more than just my job. I want to hold onto that feeling. So what am I taking seriously right now if not my queries? Digging into issues of new literary magazines, reading all those open tabs, getting excited about essays and short stories. I’m also consistently reading more books than I have in a long time, too.

But of course, I’ll be excited to read queries again soon, too.